The paranormal is like a drug, it keeps you wanting more and more. There is not a day that passes that I am not working on something be it for the blog, , Black Rock House Paranormal Tours or even just my own research. From updating facebook pages, setting up ticketing for events, negotiating terms for events, coming up with proposals, looking for opportunities, reviewing evidence, researching equipment, researching theories, researching experiments I could compile quite the list.
It has become more of an obsession now than a hobby. It has gone from casually wanting to do an investigation now and then to what can I contribute to the paranormal field. I look at what was and what wasn’t available to me when I started and what would have made things easier for me and how I can help people like me in the beginning. I see so many beautiful buildings sold off to developments or so many awesome locations that become so commercialised that serious paranormal investigators cannot get their foot in the door. This is where a lot of the work from Black Rock House has come into play and the things we have and will be introducing and hopefully will be part of the legacy I leave behind.
Lately, I have been putting in a lot of extra hours due to a lot of amazing opportunities that came our way. For this I am grateful but I am also exhausted. I used to dream of having an investigation every weekend and thought how awesome that would be. I wanted all of what I have now, but I did underestimate the amount of work involved and the toll it would take on me. I am all for the work and I am someone that likes to keep busy hence why I have so many projects going at once. A sucker for punishment. For the last 6 months, we have spent almost every weekend at Black Rock House getting this thing off the ground and on some occasion it has meant long days followed by an investigation at night. Like everyone else in the field I also have a family to take care of and a job as well so it has literally felt like I haven’t had a break.
We all know how much politics there is in the paranormal world. Lately it has been getting the better of me and I am struggling to understand why there has to be so much negativity. To be honest with you, I have also been worried about being targeted. A lot of people know who I am now and there are also people who are trying to find a way to attack or bring you down especially when you find some success. I have been in the crouched and ready position for the last couple of weeks bracing myself. So far it hasn’t happened I really hope it doesn’t. I am not in this for fame and I am not in this for money. As hard as it is for people to believe, everything we are doing for Black Rock House and National Trust is all on a volunteer basis. I do not see or expect a cent and when it has been offered we have refused it because we are not in this to make money. I hope that people do see my intentions and embrace that instead of attack.
A combination of all of the above elements has me spent and I was starting to get to the point where I wasn’t loving it as much. I also don’t want to play a medical card but I don’t have a spleen which means I don’t have an immune system and I have an auto immune disease that makes me sick and tired when my immune system is low so as you can imagine I am not in the best of ways at the moment. Thankfully we have a month off. I am loving just being able to chill at home and even spend this Saturday night under a blanket eating some crappy food and watching a non paranormal movie. I even enjoyed last Saturday hanging with some of my team/besties in a non paranormal situation and it was the best. We barely even mentioned paranormal. We had a strong friendship before all of this and we have an even stronger friendship now but with all of the commitments we have, we haven’t really been able to spend time together that doesn’t involve an investigation. It has been nice to go back to our roots and just spend time together and have fun. I am still promoting our events on facebook and doing some general admin here and there but I am not stressing about it for now. I even had a whole 24 hours where I did not check facebook! I know it’s crazy! Being normal is boring I say it all the time but I am so happy to be boring right now.
I am really excited about what I have coming up but this break was very much needed. I don’t want to burn out and I don’t want to not love what I am doing and I don’t want it to start feeling like a job. I guess I need to be ‘normal’ for a little while to be in love with paranormal again. I am sure we all feel this way from time to time and the best advice I can give you is embrace it. Take a little break and you will soon find you are itching to get back. 3 weeks and counting and I’m back baby!
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